What’s Killing Your New Relationships – And How To Make It Stop
Neediness is killing your relationships. You might not see it right away, but it’s there. In every text she doesn’t respond to.
In every slight second that she pulls away from your embrace, and in between every word of Look, we have to talk.
It’s easy to spot in others, but neediness can be difficult to observe in ourselves.
Learning how to identify when you’re showing neediness and turn it around so that all you project is confidence and independence is going to be the real game-changer for your relationships.
Because neediness communicates that you believe you’re unworthy of her.
Related: How Often Do You Chicken Out When The Pressure’s On?
Knowing that a single display of emotion can convey that much negativity sucks, but it’s really not your fault that you show neediness because it’s something that we’ve learned to develop since we were children.
As a child, you literally need your parents for support in every way possible. For some people, actively attacking that neediness in them when they matured was easy and they became independent.
For others, it might not have been as easy to observe where their neediness was transferred (e.g. romantic relationships, friendships, hobbies, careers), and they cannot identify things that they’re doing that project that need for approval, love, or fulfillment.
This is especially difficult in romantic relationships. The hardest part is that some of our actions, though innocuous to us, convey to women that we are needy.
These three are the easiest ways to project neediness that women will pick up on in seconds.
To defer means to submit to the wishes of another and give her full reign and control. Some men might feel that this is the way to go to show a woman how much he likes her, but it actually only gives her full power.
Once she realizes she’s in the driver’s seat, she’s going to realize that it’s not what she wants. What she does what is a man who can hold his own that she doesn’t have to baby.
Searching for approval
Men who are truly confident in themselves and their abilities don’t need approval from others. The flip side of that coin is men who seek approval from the women they date.
This not only shows that you need that approval from her, but it also sends a message that you’re only with her to fill your own emotional needs, not because you truly like her.
When you beg or plead with a woman to do what you want (whether that’s stay with you, go back to your place after a date, or have sex when she’s not into it), you’re not showing her how much you care or how strong your feelings are.
All you’re showing her is that you need her in whatever way you’re asking, and you’re basically giving up control of your emotions.
Now that we know how neediness can be disguised in our actions without our complete knowledge, how can we adjust our thinking and habits so that it’s easier to become more independent, shake off the neediness, and build attraction.
Lucky for us we have two things on our side, the Desire System, a course designed to teach men like you how to have the sex life you’ve always dreamed of, and David Tian, Ph.D. dating coach.
In the Desire system, one of the most important lessons that David teaches is that you need to make sure you have no physical roadblocks that could be putting you in the wrong frame of mind, which will lead to needy behaviors.
So, always make sure that your diet, exercise, and sleep habits are on point because it is possible to be off on your game when you’re unhealthy in these areas.
A couple of other quick fixes include:
- Change your mindset. The easiest way to do this is to start each day repeating a positive affirmation to yourself. If you’re unfamiliar with positive affirmations, take it from author Louise Hays, they work. “An affirmation opens the door. It’s a beginning point on the path to change. In essence, you’re saying to your subconscious mind: “I am taking responsibility. I am aware that there is something I can do to change.” When I talk about doing affirmations, I mean consciously choosing words that will either help eliminate something from your life or help create something new in your life.” If you’ve never written or spoken affirmations before, here is a great list to get you started.
- Talk to a friend about your feelings so that they can give you an honest talk and set you straight.
Long-term fixes are always the best to shoot for, though, because they can bring positive changes in more areas to your life than just this one. Things to work on long-term include:
- Finding passions and interests to get fired up about
- Working on overall self-esteem
- Learning to live your purpose
Self-development isn’t always the easiest path to walk down, but it definitely is the one that leads to greater destinations.
Learning to identify weaknesses in yourself and turn them into strengths is the true mark of a great man, but that doesn’t mean you have to do it alone.
Books, teachers, and programs like the Desire System are tools that you can – and should – use to your advantage.