I was recently asked about the best way to respond when a woman rejects you, and this is actually a fantastic question that gets to the heart of being an attractive man.
Understand: overcoming rejection is not about “saving face”, but rather, being confident in who you are and accepting the risks that come with going after what you want.
When you feel this confidence, you’ll allow yourself to take more risks in your social life.
And of course, risks lead to rewards.
But I’m guessing you’re here because you already got rejected.
How did this happen? Well, when you feel fear and nervousness, you don’t approach or escalate confidently, and your nervousness makes her feel bad. This is the root cause of most rejection.
I once took a motorcycle racing lesson, and the coach said something that I’ll never forget: confidence is predictable results.
So how can I help you get predictable results? Well, let’s look at the different types of rejection you might face, and talk about handle each of them
Because once you know about all of the different things that can happen and are prepared for them there is no longer anything to be afraid of.
And if you get deeper into our training, you’ll develop an unbreakable mindset that will allow you to laugh in the face of rejection.
So, this being the case what is the proper response when a woman rejects you?
The easy answer is to say “haha, good to talk to you too…” and then to walk away. But there are a lot of situations where rejection isn’t all that clear cut and you are actually better off trying to hang in there and see if she is testing you.
So the first thing to do is to figure out what kind of rejection you are dealing with here.
Rejection Type #1 – Evil And Cold-Blooded
Have you ever walked up to a hot girl who was standing at the bar, said your friendly opening line and got a response like “why are you talking to me” or “dude stop” or even then classic “F*ck off”? Depending on where your head is at, this type of rejection can come as quite a blow.
Luckily these rude dismissals are rare and your response to them is a no-brainer. You just smile, laugh, and say “amazing”. Show her – and yourself – that you find her rudeness to be cute and amusing.
It is important not to get upset or to make it look like this has phased you in any way because if there are any other women around that you want to talk to you don’t want them to know that you got all butt hurt because of some rude girl.
(NOTE: If you are getting a cold blooded rejection response less than 3% of the time you are probably fine. Unfortunately there are a certain number of women out there who are just plain rude. However, if you get this response more often then there is probably something about what you are doing that women are finding repulsive and you need to fix that.)
Rejection Type #2 – Lukewarm Rejection
Most of the time when a woman turns you down she will do it in a fairly gentle manner. For instance she’ll talk to you for a sec and then be like, “y’know what I’ve got to run, nice talking to you” and then she leaves. or perhaps you approach her at a bar but she keeps turning to her friends and ignoring you.
I find it’s tough to turn these situations around, because if she’s rejected you in this way, it means you’re not making her feel good – and when she’s out to have fun, she wants to feel good.
So your best option is to smile, tell her “nice to talk to you,” and plan to revisit later. Go have some fun with your buddies for a bit, develop some social momentum, and then head back to her with some positive energy.
And if you felt like you had a shot and you couldn’t care less about getting a stronger rejection, you could say something like “Look, we’re two strangers but you never know what amazing things could happen – and I’d love to get to know you better… Give me your number and I promise I’ll only text you twenty times a day“. I like this approach, because it shows that you’re a bit of a romantic, unafraid of rejection, and that you go for what you want.
And that last bit about only texting her twenty times a day is going to jokingly show her that you’re not some crazy stalker guy.
Rejection Type #3 – Testing Rejection
An incongruent rejection occurs when you were talking to a girl who seemed into you but then she tells you that it’s a “no-go”. Maybe she’ll tell you that she has got a boyfriend or that you just aren’t her type.
This kind of rejection is actually one of the most difficult for guys to deal with because just when you think you are gonna get somewhere with a girl it feels like you got the rug pulled out from under you.
My suggestion when you meet with this kind of rejection is to push on and keep going for it anyways. A lot of times this is what I call “fake-rejection” because it’s really just an attempt to see how interested and confident you are.
If you give up at the first sign of resistance, you fail the test.
So a lot of times pushing through will actually get you the girl, plus as a bonus you will become more confident because you will be training yourself to stare rejection in the face and not back down from it.
I remember a time when I went for a kiss with a girl, and she turned away and said “no, we have the same friends, it will be awkward.”
I replied “I don’t care about our friends, I care about you, and it’ll be amazing”.
And of course we kissed each other 😉
Women find this kind of dominance very attractive. As I say in many of our premium training courses, “there’s nothing more arousing for a woman than to be desired by a man who she values.”
Rejection Type #4 – Not That Into You
This is the worst. You’ve gotten to know her, and maybe even taken her on a date or two. Then she comes around and tells you she’s “just not that into you”
Usually, this is because her initial feelings about you have changed. She had a good impression, but then you got needy, or insecure, or you weren’t as fun or sexy as she thought.
You CAN turn this around – I call it “resetting impression” – and I teach it in my Girlfriend Activation System course. Here’s how it works:
- You “accept” that you’ve been temporarily rejected. Don’t get bitchy or needy about it. Instead, start treating her like a friend.
- You start “framing” her as sexually inexperienced. If you do this as I teach, then she’ll want to prove to you that she’s not inexperienced.
- You have the “50 Shades of Grey” conversation that I teach in the Girlfriend Activation System.
When you follow these steps, women will realize what a mistake they made, and will often work very hard to prove their sexual prowess to you.
Rejection Type #5 – Self-Imposed
I’ve coached so many men who refuse to approach or escalate things with a woman they want.
It’s SO sad, because I promise you: she’s waiting for you to escalate.
And look – if you don’t escalate, then you’ll end up in the friend zone anyway… it’s pretty much like rejecting yourself.
So don’t let negative self-talk defeat you. Go for what you want – you only have one life to live, and if you let fear and self-doubt keep you from going for what you want, you’re missing out on some of the best experiences you could have.
I thought about this a lot when I was learning to surf. There would be waves that were bigger than I felt comfortable with. And if you’ve ever surfed, you know that the physical pain of getting held down under a big wave is pretty scary!
It got me thinking – what’s worse: physical pain, or emotional pain?
When you go for a big wave and fail, it can lead to some pretty intense physical pain… and that usually can’t be controlled.
But when you go for a girl and get rejected, the emotional pain is totally under your control. It’s all in how you frame it and deal with it.
Everyone faces rejection and failure in life – that’s just part of the game. If you’re not taking big risks, you’re not going to score those big waves and gorgeous women!
But now you know the types of rejection you can face with women, and how to handle them.