Most people don’t realize how much their unconscious beliefs and thoughts play into their everyday life.
Having deep-rooted unconscious beliefs can affect the outcome of certain situations in a way that we don’t necessarily like or want.
“Most people carry around unconscious beliefs that often come from childhood and limit their ability to be present, here and now. If, based on one’s childhood experiences, one came to believe that they were not worthy of being loved, or that life was a struggle, or that there was never enough, or that they needed to protect themselves because the world isn’t a safe place, to the degree that those beliefs are unconscious, they become the operating system that determines and influences the choices one makes today. And even if, at the conscious level, we say we want one thing, if our unconscious beliefs are in conflict, those deeply held unconscious beliefs will rule the day.”
Because unconscious beliefs are focused on every area of your life, it’s only natural that these beliefs also play a huge role in your love life.
So, you’re desperately telling yourself that you’re active in a search for a relationship, and that may very well be true in your conscious state, but if it never seems to work out with anyone, the problem might be your unconscious.
According to Psychology Today, there are a few big reasons your unconscious pushes you away from establishing a romantic relationship (no matter how much you say out loud that you want one).
1. You’re searching for a partner based on attractiveness
Finding mates that we deem physically attractive is something that’s been with us through our evolutionary history. It’s nothing new, and it doesn’t have to be a huge obstacle for most people to get over.
The problem really takes hold, however, when a low to moderate looking person unconsciously only is willing to date very attractive mates. This is definitely a problem because research shows “that when we date more attractive partners, our partners recognize the disparity in physical attractiveness and are less committed to our relationships. They also think more about breaking up and show more interest in dating alternative partners.”
If this is your problem, you may need to retrain your unconscious to be more open to the possibility of dating people who are perhaps less physically attractive.
2. You’re still not over our ex
Studies have shown that although you might think you’re over your ex, your unconscious might still claim positive feelings towards him/her.
Those positive associations with your ex make the break up especially difficult – even more so if the break up wasn’t particularly bad but instead amicable.
Those unconscious feelings towards your ex might be holding you back, but the problem is actually the solution. Research shows that the best way to get over the heartache of a break up is to actually get a new partner. (Crazy, I know.)
3. You want to protect yourself by avoiding pain
If you’ve been badly burned in the past, your unconscious may have picked up on that and is now avoiding relationships in order to avoid the possibility of getting hurt again.
Our unconscious beliefs are typically created out of pain and aim to protect us. But, if what you really want is a relationship, it’s time to break away from those unconscious beliefs. There are many ways to do this: talking to a counselor, hypnotherapy, and avoiding self-sabotage.
Once you get away from these unconscious beliefs, you’ll start to see the results that you want.
1. Do any of these resonate with you?
2. Do you think you can retrain your subconscious to find a relationship?