Examining Self-Esteem: This Is Where Confidence Comes From
Self-esteem is the root of all attractive behavior, sub-communication, and emotions.
Behind the confidence of believing yourself worthy and underneath the willpower to endure failure lies self-esteem in its purest form.
We only go after what we believe we deserve.
You won’t often find recent high-school grads applying for senior level positions and sports agents certainly know how to demand the right dollar amount after their client has a breakout season.
It works the same way in life.
No matter what it is, from women to our position on the professional ladder, we will only attract the people, opportunity and the dollar amount we feel deserving of. And how deserving we are is seen through the optics of our self-esteem.
This is why the most you could ever want out of life is at your fingertips because self-esteem starts with you — inside.
To activate it, you have to gain a new understanding of self-esteem separate from what you’ve previously known and master its cultivation, then you’ll see how, through your natural self, you start gravitating toward your most coveted desires.
Our self-esteem is built up of two components: self-efficacy and self-respect.
Self-efficacy is no more than feeling as if you’re competent in something that is important to you.
You earn your self-esteem by making progress toward the goals you set for yourself and that you find meaningful.
If you suck at everything that is important to you it’s going to be almost impossible to feel good and you won’t respect yourself.
Which is the very problem when it comes to getting what we want out of life.
The reason you didn’t ask for her number despite the very smooth and flirtatious back and forth is because you haven’t found fulfillment in your purpose which results in not feeling confident in yourself.
You didn’t ask for that raise because you’re not putting in the work at home. People with business opportunities aren’t drawn to you because you don’t walk like someone who has something to offer.
When we don’t know what’s important to us we end up wandering aimlessly from pleasure to pleasure, becoming numb, all because we haven’t located direction.
When we finally commit to a destination, however, we can assure confidence from the strides we continually make.
We decided what’s important to us. Not our parents, not society, not the odds of our success, we do. It’s in our control. We focus on what’s important and we go after it.
It’s a concept that also parallels with masculinity — deciding what you want to do in life and going after it.
This recognition of actually possessing the ability to do whatever is important to you is at the center of self-efficacy, and once you build self-efficacy you will build self-respect.
How does someone look who does not have self-respect? Maybe they’re the people who let themselves go physically?
The ones who abandoned care about personal hygiene and choice of clothing? The ones who live life without making attempts at their future?
When self-efficacy is established it gives you pride in what you’re working towards and allows you to see value in self. All of a sudden you care about the way you present yourself.
You want to be heard and you feel like what you say matters. The way you talk, enter a room and communicate is different because you know your worth and you feel like you’re destined for something.
Sometimes we don’t realize that lack of respect we have for ourselves or what kind of contributions self-deprecating behavior has on our self-esteem.
We treat apathy as a condition instead of as unseen potential in ourselves. We normalize laziness and boast about our procrastination skills instead of identifying our lack of urgency as an acceptance of ineptitude.
And we’re quiet about alcohol and drug abuse because who cares? What does it all matter anyway?
Someone who respects themselves cares about what they put in their body, how they treat people and the impact they’re going to leave when they’re gone.
These are also the people who have found something they deeply care about and are intentional about progressing toward it every day.
What You Attract
Women like to feel good. If you can give her good feelings she’s going to want to be around you. With self-esteem, you’re going to feel good and you can transfer those good feelings to her.
As opposed to the nervous guys who are approaching with insecurities, you’d be bringing in good energy without even trying.
The fulfillment you have in yourself will exude naturally and take whatever line you have to another level.
The key is that while you’re improving, you’re content with how things are.
Which means although you’re not where you want to be in life, you find peace in the progress you’re making and the efforts you’re putting towards getting there.
If you’re just being you in fulfilling your purpose and passions and you’re enjoying your life because so, all you have to do is be honest and the good feelings will manifest.
These good feelings will make a difference in whatever room you walk in.
When people sense someone who is confident in themselves, they will be drawn to it and you will become more marketable and people will be more likely to take a chance on you.
Including that girl you think is cute.
Self-esteem starts with you and is completely controllable. You can find long-term happiness, contentment in life and respect for yourself once you start pursuing your passion and purpose.