When we’re just getting to know a woman in the beginning stages of dating, or even if it’s a first encounter, we automatically have the odds working against us.
Due to the fact many men often take women’s time for granted, a lot of times they’re incredibly skeptical of our intent and although you may have landed a one-on-one date, you must overcome both her screening process as well as the wall she may have up to defend herself.
It’s impossible to know if someone is the one for you off limited encounters, but as you get older and been on the dating scene for a while, you inevitably just know what you like.
So whenever we do find ourselves in front of a woman that has all the qualities that we care about, it’s best we communicate that our intention with her are pure.
So how do you let a woman know, off the bat, that you want her to take you seriously without scaring her away? After all, it’s a small sample size of dates, you don’t want to overwhelm her.
The key is all in what direction you take the conversation.
I know dates can be nerve-wracking. You like her a great deal and she seems perfect, so you want to come off as attractive a partner as possible. So ask her a couple of questions to warm up the conversation and to get her talking.
And it’s with these questions in particular that can let her know that you are definitely in it for the long run.
What Are You Short-term/ Long Term Goals?
Ask what her short-term goals are. This question will let her know almost instantly that you’re curious about her and her interests. Not only will this take all the pressure off you to create stimulating conversation, but she will open up while talking about herself.
You want her to know that you’re interested in what she’s working on because you are and you should be interested. You’ll see how the conversation snowballs from that point forward.
You’ll find yourself asking follow-up questions like the origins of her interest, what her plans are for executing them, and what she needs help in.
Most men won’t go there — at least not so soon. The objective is getting her to see that you want to invest in her time, her dreams, and who she is as an individual.
The same goes for long-term goals. In fact, it should be your follow-up question. This will have her thinking and spilling intimate details that will reveal who she really is inside.
Furthermore, it will help you know whether she’s actually who you think she is. Maybe she doesn’t have an answer at all. Maybe she’s not as serious about her life as you are yours. Maybe your infatuation becomes clearer after these types of discussions.
When you have a grasp on her short-term and long-term goals, she’ll more than likely ask you about yours (red flag if she doesn’t), which, again, provides more table conversation and helps you get past the nerves.
What Are Your Views of Relationships?
When you ask a woman what her views on relationships, be prepared to see a reaction of pleasant surprise. Dig deep, too. Ask about her relationship with her mom, dad, brothers, friends, and what they mean to her in general.
Again, most men don’t think to go here. She’ll be happy to tell you her stance on relationships, family, and why they have the meaning they do. Also, this gives you a prime opportunity to get a sense of who she is as an individual.
Maybe a strong mother-daughter bond is special to you. If she says she doesn’t have any close friends, that could give you an opportunity to ask why.
If she has a disconnect with her father, it’ll be a good chance to assess what that means for her.
When you inquire about her philosophy on relationships, it shows that you are not there just because she’s really cute or because she was the most available option, or the other various insecurities that go through women’s minds when they become newly involved with a man.
It shows that you want to be what she needs, that you care enough to know how she wants to be treated in a relationship, which she will, more than likely, gladly want to talk about.
Use this opportunity to share your views as well. Show off your strong core values, what the closest relationships to you are, and why the bad ones didn’t work out. This all will lead to productive conversation and help stay away from that awkward dreaded small talk.
What Do You Think/Feel About Me?
You should ask this question somewhere near the end of the date. Yes, you got her number. Yes, the text messages and phones calls went smoothly.
Yes, she’s out to dinner with you. But, posing the question to her directly, when you’re in front of her, will reveal the impression that you care how you come across to her.
Another benefit of asking what she thinks about you is that it lets you know whether she sees that you take her seriously or not — which is important. Hopefully, you hear back all the qualities that you have been trying to put forth and if you do not, it lets you know to put in more effort.
Asking how she feels about you also will inevitably lead to her asking you the same, which is exactly what you want. This gives you the chance to affirm her, to let her know how you feel about her, and that she’s someone you want to be serious with, which a rare chance to have on the first date.
When you finally realize that you’re ready to get out of the dating game and have something real, every non-serious encounter will feel like a waste of your time. So you want to know if someone is serious about you and you want them to know that you take them seriously as well.
These three questions will set you up for a serious, thoughtful, and transparent relationship.