Entrepreneur and business extraordinaire, Gary Vaynerchuk once said that when you’re coming to a potential client, don’t only speak on why you would love to partner with them.
Don’t just spew back their accolades and what their investment would do for you, but tell them why they need you; pitch the value you add to their business and why they are better off with you than any other partner.
I think with women it should be the same way.
A lot of times women don’t give guys the time of day because men are not bringing anything of value to the table. What is sex to a woman who can get it at a drop of a hat? What’s money when she’s well established? It’s hard to impress a girl who’s seen it all.
Evaluating the value that we do possess, outside of how well-endowed we are and the depths of our pockets, is important not only because it helps us recognize our worth, but because it gives us confidence when we approach whatever women we desire.
Yeah, her ex might be 6’4″, but is he empathetic? She’s gone on dates before, but has she been thrilled? Adding experiences, vision, and guidance to a woman’s life resonates far beyond Netflix and chill.
And when you know you can give her something on a deeper level that the majority of guys haven’t thought about, you’ll approach her feeling like there is no one that can compare to you.
Social Man founder Christian Hudson in his Ten Code series breaks down the value of giving. He references the Confucius concept of Jen — which is the feeling of humanity towards others and respect for the self at the same time.
It’s not giving others too much, it’s not giving yourself too much. It’s balancing out your humanistic feel for others along with respect for yourself; an indivisible respect for the dignity of life whenever it arises.
Giving books to those needing inspiration, space to those who need space, and a break-up when you know someone else can love them better are all examples of a selflessness that all play a part to Jen.
Think of these as strategies to add to your arsenal as you go after the one you want. When you come to her, let her know what she gets out of dating you. Help her see what’s in it for her and your chances might just fare a bit better.
Trying to feel what a woman feels — despite how absurd it may sound to you — is a value that a lot of men do not make an effort to do. It’s hard for a lot of dudes to imagine themselves in someone else’s shoes, especially regarding women’s emotions.
We have short attention spans and are impatient.
When guys have a hard day at work we’ll usually get a beer, sit in a comfortable chair, and take a load off. Well, women may need to cry it out.
Empathy is not judging her or thinking she’s weak. Empathy is putting all of your obligations down at that moment and hearing her out.
When she is perplexed about the girl drama in her friend group and needs someone to vent to, nine times out of ten it’s petty and ten times out of ten it’s not worth stressing over, but it’s not up to you to dismiss her feelings.
When you choose to relate to and understand her stresses, it shows her you care. That is a value that no one can put a price on.
This opens doors to an experience that she can’t get with someone else. Other guys want one thing, and that shows. So when you that you care — even about the insignificant things — it goes a long way.
You do not have to go skydiving to be thrilling. When I say thrills I’m not speaking about ghosting her for a couple of days and suddenly appearing out of nowhere. Also, breaking her heart and winning it back doesn’t count as a “thrill” either.
When you tell a woman you can add thrill to her life, you’re providing spontaneity.
A Monday night could be a surprise comedy show that she wasn’t aware was in town. Thrilling could be picking up a dance class together and learning salsa. Thrilling could be getting her and her best gals together for a spa date.
In contrast to romance, when you add thrill to a woman’s life you’re adding an element of unpredictability that other guys don’t go the extra mile for.
Every individual has a unique perspective on life. Because of these unique perspectives, we all have unique experiences to share as well, and providing these experiences is huge when it comes to winning someone over.
Women come across guys all the time who use all of their energy and woo them just to sleep with them. What guys fail to understand is that this narrows their approach.
She’s been asked to the movies, she’s been to dinner, she’s gone on walks in the park.
When you offer your unique life perspective, however, it brings an element that is impossible to get elsewhere because it can only come from you.
Maybe you’re the son of an immigrant; share that unique culture with her by cooking her authentic cuisine and teaching her customs of your native land. If you’re a former D1 prospect bound for the league before tearing your ACL — like *cough* all of us are *cough*– share that experience with her. What better way to bond than taking her to the gym and showing her some moves?
Living your experiences with her will not only impress, but it shows you’re not afraid to open up.
If you want to give a woman something that no other man is going to give her that tries to win her over, give her vision and guidance.
Anyone who has ever pursued a dream or goal knows that it takes motivation and ambition, that’s strenuous work.
Even in small victories, having some sort of guide — whether it be your mother’s encouraging words, a song you play every morning or a motivation Youtube video — that aids pointing you in the right direction may have been the game changer that got you over the hump.
This is what you can offer a woman.
When you show genuine interest and invest in her goals, she’ll be blown away at the instant value you’re bringing to her life.
Sometimes all we need is a push in the right direction and a little support to get our motor running, and when you constantly ask what she’s doing to strive towards her dreams and you give her pointers and you invest time in career, you’ll automatically be in a class of your own.
Caring about where her life is going is an invaluable gift you can give a woman that will show her that you care. It’s also something that we should give everyone that we care about.
So next time you’re approaching a woman, let her know that you’re bringing more than your third leg. Show her that there’s more to you. Give value and you will receive value in return.