The Key To Having More Positive Arguments With Your Girlfriend
The handful of times I found myself carrying the title of boyfriend, I think I did a pretty good job — as far as boyfriends go.
I was attentive, interested, present, caring, and loving.
All things that seemingly make a good boyfriend. Sadly, I always decided that resigning from the position was in my best interest. I’m great when you have me… but don’t expect it to last too long. Story of my life.
Being in a relationship is a beautiful thing. The closeness is wonderful — you no longer feel alone, but instead feel happy. Happiness without trying — such a beautiful thing.
Having someone to share your day-to-day with is what makes a life worth living. People need people. Unfortunately, people are also really bad at getting along with other people.
No matter how much you love each other, friction always finds its way onto the scene.
It’s not possible for two people to live in such close proximity, invade each other’s lives to such an extent, and not have there be some friction as a result. People butt heads. They disagree, having contradictory opinions.
We’re all different, experiencing the world from a different angles. We’ve lived different lives, and will continue to live those lives until they’re taken from us.
There’s no running away from who you are.
There is, however, allowing yourself the privilege of experiencing the world from someone else’s perspective. There’s finding understanding, empathizing, and finding common ground.
This, of course, is easier said than done. Not all people are open-minded, logical, or willing to hear your side of the story.
Which is fine, to be quite honest. You don’t need to get along with everyone — you don’t need to try and empathize with every individual in the world. Sure, it may be nice, but it isn’t practical.
You can, however, make an effort when the person involved is someone you consider important in your life.
The world can be an incredibly sad place — when you’re alone. But as long as you have people in your life that care about you, and that you likewise care about, then you’ll never be alone.
Instead, you’ll live a more fulfilling life, spending time with those that mean the most to you.
That’s how life is meant to be lived. The problem is that people are so self-absorbed with themselves, so overtaken by the magnitude of their own life and existence, that they allow amazing people so slip out of their lives.
Or worse yet, we push them out.
Couples argue. It’s no secret. If you never argue, then you’re relationship is either in its infancy, or you guys are simply being passive aggressive.
Where there is friction, argument ensues — and there is always friction when people come into close proximity of each other.
The trick is knowing how to pick your battles, and more importantly still, understanding when a battle is completely unnecessary.
Most of the time fights can be avoided, and even the friction that causes them can be sidestepped. It just takes using your noggin.
It’s not about winning the fight. Couples argue with their egos. Most of the time the topic you’re arguing about is ridiculous — not worthy of discussion whatsoever.
There are plenty of topics that deserve attention, and your unwavering dedication. Arguing one way or another simply because you feel the need to be right, is stupid.
Best advice you’ll ever get: stop being stupid.
There are few reasons to actually argue, and they all focus on the relationship and what is lacking — trust, presence, interest, love, etc. Everything else is simply you allowing yourself a bit of an ego-trip.
Let’s just hope that it doesn’t cost you your relationship. Plenty of relationships end because the couple argues too much — not about meaningful matters, but about bullshit.
I was never one to fight with my partner. I always find it better to try and understand where a person is coming from, before informing them that their concept of the reality of things is far off the mark.
Because that’s what you’re really arguing over, isn’t it? Who’s version of reality is more accurate? Neither is right, but you can argue one is closer to whatever the reality is.
We argue to be right. Which means we need to prove that the other person is wrong. How does it feel to be told that you’re wrong?
Not great — but if you are wrong, it’s good to know. But what happens when there really is no right or wrong, but only opinions? You’d think that we’d be a bit more understanding, but people argue their opinions like facts all the time.
You simply believe that something should be a certain way, and deem it right to push that opinion onto your partner.
Men are notorious when it comes to arguing opinions as facts. We are. You know it. I know it. Let’s just accept it as fact. You like to argue because you have a big ego that likes to be ‘correct’.
You argue with your woman because you want to teach her. Which is funny, because it’s basically the blind leading the blind.
If you were to take more time considering alternatives to your beliefs, to your understandings, to your so-called truths, you might just realize that in life, there is little that can be claimed as certain.
We’re all just guessing or making things up as we go.
If you want to argue with your girlfriend, wife, what have you, then just stop arguing.
I understand that it may not be easy — women love to argue just as much as men do — but you need to be the bigger person for the both of you.
Take that extra step and show her that you are there to listen and to understand her. She isn’t arguing because she is convinced that she’s right and you’re wrong (at least not all the time), she’s arguing with you because she wants your attention.
She wants you to look at her, really look at her, and understand where she’s coming from, what she’s going through, and to be there for her the way she wants you to be there.
Stop trying to fix her, teach her, prover her wrong. Instead, share. Share her worries, her concerns, her fears. Listen. Take a step back together and reassess the situation together.
No matter how smart or how wise you are, life always has a lesson to teach.
This may be one of them… but you won’t know unless you can keep a level-head. If you love her, then stop with the bullshit fighting.
Your relationship won’t last otherwise.