There’s nothing worse than having romantic feelings for your gal friend.
The fact of the matter is, those of us who fall into this unfortunate circumstance don’t actually plan it.
Believe it or not, but it wasn’t our grand scheme to secretly become infatuated with our friend. There are unique and specific circumstances where it, just, kind of happens.
For example, it could be a unique situation where you had a crush on her but waited too long to escalate and let her know that you want more.
Maybe you didn’t want to risk losing her as a friend, maybe there was another guy that beat you to the punch, or maybe you were just too afraid of rejection.
Whichever the case, she’s categorized you as ‘not dating material.’ A place that you do not want to be.
One very plausible scenario could be that you two are newly friends. You shared a class and, after a few weeks went by, you realized that she’s totally dateable. Now you’re in this place where you feel like you need to get her to reverse the way you’re perceived.
This is a real common one: you played the ‘good-guy’ card. You made no sexual advances but, instead, offered her rides to work, surprised her with coffee and made all types of investments much too soon.
You were giving with the intent of getting instead of giving genuinely. This nice guy routine makes you predictable, serious, and not fun.
Whatever the case may be, whether that’s suddenly realizing that your close friend is someone you’d date or finally being fed up and tired of the pain of being close to the heat but not feeling the warmth, being in a platonic position is stressful.
But it does not have to stay that way.
If you know for a fact that she is someone you want to be with there are three things you can do.
Go all in and put your feelings on the table, acknowledge her emotions and help her see that you understand what your feelings mean for her, then, finally, tell her what you want.
It won’t be easy, but it’s the best thing to do.
The first thing to do when trying to convert your friend to a lover is simply put all your cards on the table. You must understand that you are the reason you’re in this position in the first place.
So now that you are deciding to make that transition, you have to go all in and not hold anything back.
The most important part of this step is making sure this conversation happens in person.
No, not a text message. Nope, not over the phone either. Facetime will not suffice either.
If you’re serious and you want this to work, having the conversation in person is your best bet at getting your message to resonate.
In this conversation, you’re going to tell her exactly how you feel. Come clean.
If you were afraid to tell her how you felt, but it’s been something brewing in you since the beginning of the friendship, let her know that.
If it’s a situation where you misrepresented your intent, and you used the whole good-guy routine to hopefully get close to her, spill it.
If you were waiting for a guy to get out of the picture, if it’s something that hit you out of the blue, or whatever the nature of the situation may be, this is your time to share your heart.
Acknowledge Her Feelings
Because you misrepresented yourself in letting her believe you only wanted friendship and because you made the mistake of making a move on her too late, you should understand that she’s going to experience a wave of emotions.
But the first thing you should do is admit that you don’t know what she’s feeling. Because in all actuality you don’t.
Nervousness, happiness, confusion, or apprehension, are all potential feelings that she may experience. It could be that she doubts your sincerity, that she’s shocked, or possibly she knew all along.
But being mindful of and giving her a way to process her feelings after dropping such sensitive information on her is a pivotal step in possibly making your way from her friend to her lover.
Tell Her What You Want
After you tell her how you feel and you’ve given her a platform to process a reaction, you then have the stage to state what you want. This is the true test of how badly you want her.
Tell her you want a relationship and that a friendship is out of the question.
Let her know that, remaining friends is not an option and explain that you want to pursue a relationship or have nothing at all.
Yes, this will be an ultimatum, which is very serious, but so is the relationship. So is being with her.
After giving her the ultimatum let her sleep on it. Don’t let her decide just then (unless of course, the feelings are immediately reciprocated) let her take the time to decide.
It is in the space of her making a decision where it’s your responsibility to distance yourself from her. Tell her not to contact you until she’s made a choice.
The goal is for her to see the difference with you in her life versus you not being in it. And hopefully, she see’s how important you are to her like you see how important she is to you.
Now, if you break your own ultimatum and contact her before she makes her decision she won’t take you seriously.
But when she finally sees the significance you hold when you guys aren’t speaking, hopefully, it will bring the result you’re seeking.
Even if she decides that she does not see you in that light, your distance from her will prove to her how special you are.
It’s important to keep in mind that you may not get the result you seek. But what will happen is that you will finally make a stand.
Converting your friend to a lover is something you must make a decision on.
Choosing to pursue the romantic route with a friend will almost ensure that you lose the friendship — either from her rejection of your proposal or because you two are lovers now.
At the end of the day, we must make tough choices for the things we want.
Love is hard and hopefully, we make the right decisions to obtain it the right way.