Imagine you’re talking to a girl at a bar.
You can’t tell right away what she thinks of you, so you keep going.
You try to keep the conversation afloat as best you can, but her blank expression hasn’t changed, and, while she isn’t necessarily stand-offish, she isn’t overly talkative either.
She hasn’t indicated that she wants you to leave but hasn’t given you much of a reason to stay.
Maybe she’s just a little shy, you think to yourself, or likes to take her time with guys. Or maybe you just haven’t struck the right chord to spark her interest in you.
Any one of these things could be true, but it begs the question: is it worth spending your whole night trying to convince a girl to like you?
Should a romantic encounter depend on a man’s skills of persuasion or, rather, his general attractiveness toward the opposite sex?
In short, how much chasing should a guy do before he calls it quits?
Cold approach pick-up should never—I repeat, NEVER—feel like begging, proving one’s worth, or acting subservient to the girl.
There is an old idea that a man has to somehow prove himself to the woman he wants in order to show that he’s a worthy partner, like all that prince-charming, Disney crap we’re force-fed as kids.
This is partially true, but it doesn’t happen by putting oneself in a position of lower value than the girl.
It happens by having a strong sense of self that is unwavering, confident and attractive in a unique, non-desperate way.
Too many guys view pick-up as an interaction in which the woman is the judge and the man now has to make his plea for why he’s a good match for her. This is a load of nonsense.
Real attraction is built by keeping things even, and by letting her know that you’re interested without sacrificing your integrity.
In other words, if she doesn’t reciprocate your advances within the first twenty minutes of a conversation, you only further lower your value to her by hanging around.
Attraction goes both ways, and if you’re doing all the work trying to get her interested and she’s just standing there, it’s time to walk.
She may be interested, but if she doesn’t find a way to let you know, it doesn’t do you any good to keep chatting with her.
Besides, if she really likes you, she’ll find a way to let you know as you’re on your way out the door. The key is not being afraid to walk.
Being able to walk away from a conversation is actually a huge display of confidence. Guys who put themselves down, or hang around too long are actually hurting their chances with the girl they’re talking to.
It shows two things:
a) They have no other options.
b) They are willing to compromise their own goals and values for a girl they just met.
It indicates a lack of self-esteem and, in some ways, could be interpreted as a lack of experience with girls.
Even if she doesn’t come after you, you’ll still come off as more attractive if you walk away than if you continue to jump through hoops to gain her approval.
It’s pretty simple; the most attractive thing a guy can do in front of a woman is make it clear that he isn’t desperate for her validation.
A first conversation should sound more like a guy showing a girl who he is and sticking to his guns whether she likes him or not.
If she doesn’t, trying to convince her how great you are is only going to make things worse.
The truth is that a guy can’t attract every girl he meets, but he can take as many chances as possible and see which ones work out.
The key is to never put yourself down in order to get validation from a girl.
A successful interaction should be a mutual exchange of personality traits.
She should be just as interested in you as you are in her. If she isn’t, don’t feel like you have to climb a mountain to get her to like you.
This isn’t a medieval fantasy where men slay dragons or try to win wars to impress princesses. You have to come from the mindset that you’re good enough on your own, without having to prove anything to her.
It will immediately boost your attractiveness, and also save you a lot of time and effort trying to force a connection.
In some cases, a girl may even be interested in you from the very beginning but slowly becomes turned off by how much work you’re doing.
Sometimes a girl is so hot it’s hard not to bend over backward to get her interested, but a guy who dotes on her constantly and says he’ll do anything for her phone number, probably isn’t what she wants.
She’s heard all of that before from lesser guys, and is likely more interested in someone who is a complete person, has their shit together and can provide her with a good time.
Good sex helps, but that’s a whole other conversation.
Trying to impress a girl into liking you, aside from making you seem desperate, comes off as superficial.
It doesn’t say anything about who you are and doesn’t indicate that you’re interested in who she really is either.
A guy who goes out of his way to tell a girl that he would essentially be her man slave for a kiss on the cheek, and then tries to impress her with shirtless pictures of himself, will almost always lose to a guy who’s just fun and charming.
So, remember, the next time you’re out doing approaches, don’t feel like you have to navigate a labyrinth to convince the girl into thinking you’re good enough for her.
You already are, and if she can’t see that from the very beginning, pack it up and keep on keeping on until you find a girl who can.
You Have To Let Her Go: Knowing When It’s Time To Walk Away
Imagine you’re talking to a girl at a bar.