What if I told you that you could have your fingerprints all over any conversation with virtually anyone?
That, through tastefully employing humor and selective vulnerability you can dive into intimate conversations faster and leave a more lasting impression when done skillfully?
Naturally, a tactic when trying to win someone over, especially women, is to be the dominant figure when engaged in dialogue.
While this may work in some instances — there are alternative approaches.
Humor and vulnerability are the peanut butter and jelly of conversation. It’s Kobe and Shaq, it’s Burt Reynolds and his mustache, it’s Shaggy and Scooby — it just works.
Women love to laugh. When you can invoke the emotion of joy at will, it’s really powerful because it means you can trigger her endorphins at any given point in time.
Similarly, if you laugh at her jokes, too — whether that be genuine or not — she immediately lets her guard down and begins to tap into a level of comfortability that would have otherwise been difficult to tap into.
When she lets that guard down and you then hit her with sincerity and honesty, you’ll be speaking on topics and exchanging information that takes days to uncover.
The most important thing to remember when you’re incorporating humor on a date or when you’re casually hanging out with a woman is to never overdo it.
The entire aim of comedic relief is to get her to feel more like herself, not for you to premiere your stand-up material. That is why you don’t focus on the humor.
You don’t want to be the circus monkey or the funny man. You’ll be a good time but there won’t be a connection.
Humor should be like seasoning a dish: used in moderation. Your comedic timing should come to you naturally, but if not, you should use it in short bursts here and there.
Usually in moments where there is a lull in the conversation or when you may not know which topic to touch on next.
And joking can be a range of things: from pretending to be different people when you’re on a date or playing the guessing game.
Depending on the person, you may be able to poke fun at each other.
When you are joking and using humor it’s also important for you to be able to take what you’re dishing out as well. When she laughs and cracks jokes at you, be sure to indulge her.
If you don’t take her joke well and become defensive it will do nothing more than spawn bad feelings.
Now, you won’t land every joke you take, even to the point where she may not always know that you’re joking. If you’re poking fun at her and she perceives it as you teasing, you must abort.
No matter how funny you think the joke is, it’s not a big enough hill to die on.
If she’s not laughing or looking amused at the jokes your throwing her way, just stop it. Backtrack and go to another subject matter.
Ultimately, humor shows that you don’t take yourself too seriously — which none of us should.
Whether she finds you hilarious or cute you’re just having fun, it’s a win-win and will ultimately have her feeling more comfortable around you.
Vulnerability is special. When choosing to open up on an in-depth level it shows a type of legitimacy that forces equal participation or, at the very least, one’s complete attention.
Freely opening up shows courage. When you reveal sensitive information it means that you’re content with who you are, regardless of what you faced in the past.
And when people see that, it draws them close to that energy, and, in a lot of cases, motivates them to do the same.
Because baring all is such an exposing activity, it’s one that should be extremely selective. Believe it or not, what you reveal can be a range of things.
It can be an embarrassing story that you’re clearly over and that you’ve grown from, to something much more flippant, like a guilty pleasure.
A fun activity to incorporate when you’re on a date is proposing to trade secrets.
You offer to go first in revealing something about yourself then give her the same opportunity after.
What’s cool about this activity is, question by question, it peels back layers of each other that would normally take several dates to uncover.
This telling secrets technique can be used in several ways.
You can choose to be sexual — starting off by telling a story about yourself with minor sexual undertones just to see how she responds — to something deep about a family member or friend passing.
Ultimately this is going to make her want to get closer to you and feel comfortable divulging equally sensitive information.
When you’re putting yourself out there, honest with your best intentions you will most likely get a response because it’s you being authentic.
When the actual date is not the focus and when she’s letting go and having a good time you’ll have your best shot at making an impression.
There will be no pressure of what you two are and what you guys are aiming to be will fade to the background.
Ultimately you want her to be there for you and to see who you genuinely are, and that’s best done with the combination of humor and vulnerability.