What does it mean to be truly genuine? What does it look like?
Throughout the course of our lives, I’m positive, whether it be from your grandparents to your first-grade teacher, you, like myself, have heard time and time again the importance of authenticity and how it’s okay to ‘just be yourself’, but how exactly has that translated to adulthood?
And more importantly, how has that translated to our dating lives?
When we enter a bar, mixer or party it’s almost as if we enter a WWE arena.
The lights are bright, the pressure is on and, much like the superstars and the script of the matches, we put on fabricated personas of who we’d like to be. Not who we are.
And in the arena, we tango with other single women, who, reluctantly entertain our false sense of bravado, weak pick-up lines and antics of the single life.
Because of what we think we lack and the areas of our lives we’re ashamed of we spend the majority of our energy compensating for a void that is only a void to us. And in the process, we throw our true selves out the window.
This is why genuineness should be revisited.
What’s so awesome about tapping into our genuine selves is that it’s easy and that it’s something that you can change and see the results of almost immediately.
Why Be Genuine
The single most attractive thing you can bring to a woman is your authenticity. The only problem is that our true self is someone we’re not truly comfortable with everyone seeing.
Because we are insecure as humans and wrapped up in who we are we tend to be hyper aware of what we’re bad at. So much so that we’ll downplay our strengths and devalue our excellence.
Because this is the case, we subconsciously make it a point to only show what we think our best face is.
Of course, your road scholar is going to flex his brain muscles and try to impress with how much he knows. Why wouldn’t he? After all, it is a skillset that comes naturally.
In the same vein, a professional mixed martial arts athlete is going to wear cut off shirts and conveniently complain about his rigorous training because it’s something he’s proud about.
Few people are that tough, so it’s an obvious card to play.
But if you take a bunch of straight A students with full rides to Ivy League institutions and put them in an MMA cage, they’re going to feel exposed.
Likewise, if you take an MMA athlete and place them in a higher level physics class and they’ll feel like a fish out of water. You put anyone in the wrong situation and they’ll crumble.
Like the scholar and the professional MMA athlete, we play roles to compensate for the areas of our lives we don’t feel adequate, and it’s this lack of vulnerability that causes us to fail.
The degree to which we can vulnerably expose ourselves to be genuine is the degree we can connect heart to heart to engage and demonstrate something that others can relate to. That is actualizing yourself.
Vulnerability is intensely courageous because it’s easy to be courageous in areas where you’re already a rockstar. It doesn’t set you apart in an attractive way.
You’re visible to women when you learn that genuine quality. You master this and you won’t have to master anything else.
What It Actually Means
The opportunity that people feel when they’re with you to be their real self because you have the balls to be your real self is what it truly means to be genuine.
It gives the permission for others to engage in something true.
If you can articulate your vulnerability in an authentic way it gives permission for it to be reciprocated.
When you admit your fears, not only will you see that you’re not being judged and that what you’ve been compromising yourself for is not as big a deal as you made it out to seem but it’ll encourage them to admit their fears as well.
With women, this means giving her the capacity to feel real in herself.
Instead of hiding your intentions, sexual desires, or where your head is, be totally upfront and unashamed and you’ll find that they will be surprisingly refreshed by your honesty.
When you put on this tough guy front most of the times women can see through it.
They’ll play along because they can play that game, too. And what you’ll end up with is a circle of facades instead of the simplicity of a real conversation between two adults.
How To Practice Being Authentic
Being genuine is the easiest hard thing that you will ever do. We all can be that badass.
Anyone can be that badass. But being someone who is completely content with themselves, the good and the bad, is far more attractive than being the bad guy.
We all have a sense of our attractiveness but we don’t trust ourselves enough to bring it out. It’s just a matter of being comfortable with your most intimate self. That’s why it takes practice.
To practice being genuine the first step is admitting what you’re ashamed of in your life.
Maybe you make racist jokes when you’re not around your black friends. Possibly it’s that you lied about how you built your muscle.
Whichever the case, first you must become aware of what that insecurity is. Once you’ve identified your shame, the next step is finding someone to admit it to.
This can be a stranger, your best friend, anyone. Who doesn’t matter, what matters is finding someone you’re comfortable admitting it to. Then it’s just a matter of letting that information go.
Shame grows in the dark and dies in the light. The more often you are comfortable living your truth the more genuine of an individual you’ll be.
What you’ll find is that whatever insecurity you have, whatever feeling inside that you feel you must hide to be the cool guy that the girl you want and friends you’re around will like, is nothing they haven’t heard or experienced before and that they’ll like you even better when you share it.
The genius of being genuine is that it’s so easy and so much healthier for you, too.
The game you think you needed to get the girl you always wanted will come naturally and you’ll live a happier life because of it.