You Can’t Force A Connection: Sometimes, They Just Don’t Fit
Perhaps you have been looking for someone to date? Someone to like you, pay attention to you, spend a little of their time with you while you go to great lengths to ensure their happiness.
This pursuit has become your mission, and yet you’ve given very little thought as to whether you even like her. Sure, she is beautiful, intelligent, and harbors all the great qualities you like in a woman, at least so it seems.
However, the question remains to be answered, is she the woman for you? Have you ever been shopping, looking for that rare pair of Jordans, combing the streets night and day until you’ve conquered this conquest?
Finally, after exhausting yourself, store after store, block after block, city after city, almost ready to give up, you decide to hit the store closet to home, just in case.
You walk into the store, motioning for the sales person to notice you before he notices the other guy you almost trampled over. You ask the clerk if they have the black and red Jordans in stock, to which the clerk replies, “yes, we have plenty, what is your size sir?
You are so excited, saliva dripping form the corners of your mouth, barely able to contain yourself as you yell out your shoe size. The salesman about faces toward the back of the store, while you frantically pace the floor, waiting for him to return with ice water for your thirsty soul.
As you slowly return your eyes to the stock room door, it opens and in walks the salesman but, without your shoes. “I’m sorry sir, but we don’t have your size”, you hear in slow motion. Temporarily disappointed, you then ask the kind sales person, what sizes DO you have remaining?
The chipper young salesman, explains that the closest size he has to an 11 is a 9 1⁄2. You ask him in the deepest, almost Shakespearean tone, “Bring them to me kind sir at once I say!”
Now, you know they won’t fit, but maybe your foot shrunk while you were sleeping last night or this type of shoe runs big. The salesman returns with the 9 1⁄2.
You take off your shoe, nervously trying to hide the gaping hole in the heel of the sock. You grab the shoe box from the salesman, tear open the lid, tossing out the crumpled shoe paper inside the shoes and remove the shiny new leather Air Jordans from the box. You close your eyes, sniffing the inside of the shoe praying that they will fit.
You cop a seat, slowly ease your giant foot into the elfin shoe, and BY GOD it fits! Sure, it’s pressing against your big toe nail but nothing a pedicure cannot fix.
You are elated, turning your foot from side to side in front of the floor mirror. You are beyond happy, thinking there is no way this shoe should be fitting you BUT, it is!
You put the other shoe on, with plans to wear them out, when you take that first step toward the checkout counter.
The tears of joy, had become tears of pain, excruciating pain before you remove them both, magically at the same time, hurling them to the heavens. The shoes weren’t to blame, nor the sales person they just don’t fit.
Gentleman, the wrong woman in your life can be like that vintage pair of too small Jordans. She can be sleek, sophisticated, charming, and intoxicating. You captured her beauty, taking in every inch of her frame with little consideration the venomous cistern of poison she had become, or already was.
Is it forbidden for a man to qualify his woman also, or is what she thinks all that matters? As much as her daddy told her that she is a queen, have you gotten that you too had parents, who like her thought the world of you?
So much attention is dedicated to a woman finding the right man, but fellas you have every right to have the perfect woman in your life too. Not every woman is for you.
Most women like to talk, and more than enough don’t mind talking about themselves. Brothers, listen to every word and she will tell you everything you need to know about her.
You will learn her preferences and pet peeves, her past and her present, her exes and her expletives!
Pay attention to the way she is dressed, does she get too excited about going to Olive Garden, and how does she treat the person tending the line at the movie theater. If she says something that bothers you, ask her to explain herself.
When men and women meet, the determination to recreate The Notebook, sometimes forces one, or the other, or both, to embellish just so things work out. If you are looking for true love, should it not be based on honesty, and not mendacity? If she wants to know something about you, tell her the truth.
If you sit on the sofa every night, drinking until you pass out, then tell her that. If she asks you how you feel about children, and you detest them, then be honest. If you smoke, snore, never work out, then tell the truth.
It’s better to have an imperfect relationship based on honesty, than a perfect relationship based on a lie. The truth is going to come out soon enough with a lot less heartache for you and for her. There aren’t always villains or victims in relationships, only unfulfilled expectations.
Sometimes it’s just two decent people, who simply don’t fit together. Communicate early on what is important to you, and then DO NOT COMPROMISE. If you pretend to be okay with things that upset you, you are only hurting you.
So, put those shoes back in the box, wipe the tiny smudge off the sole, close the box, and kindly hand them back to the salesman so he can put them back on the shelf, where they wait for that 9 1⁄2 pair of feet they were destined for anyways.