Approach anxiety is real.
It’s nothing to be ashamed about nor anything that makes you less of a man, but the simple truth is that if you’re not used to it, walking up and holding a conversation can be intimidating if you don’t properly equip your mind.
When we’re in social settings, whether we be out with our boys at a bar or walking across the lobby of a Starbucks cafe, we’re amongst other strangers.
This isn’t like college where everyone is unified under the same goal of possessing a degree or the workplace where you are a part of a team trying to achieve an objective — there isn’t an underlying commonality that everyone shares.
Because of this disconnect, there is a necessary caution we have when we do see a stranger that we want to familiarize ourselves with.
Game is all about convincing yourself that it’s okay to make this encounter and being comfortable doing so.
And that’s where many men fall short. They fail to truly convince themselves that they can walk up and talk to anyone, and even if they have made that mental switch, their bodies aren’t relaying the message.
Ninety-three percent of communication is non-verbal. This means regardless of the mindset going into the conversation if we do not have the disposition of someone who is ready and confident, more likely than not the wrong message will be read.
That is why we should pay a lot more attention to our body language.
Your eye contact, hip positioning, shoulders, vocal tonality and much more all play a factor into the believability of what comes out of our mouths.
You’re Comfortable With Yourself
There are many unspoken truths that are common among women that men either never learned or eventually come across through experience.
And one of these truths is that women will be comfortable with you when you’re comfortable with yourself. Which is why it’s imperative that your body language reveals this.
Your eye contact should be focused, non-wandering and compassionate.
When you lead with your eyes, unashamed and confident, it shows a dominance that forces her to engage or to shy away herself.
The eyes are windows to our souls.
Whether you have jade green eyes or dark brown when you’re unafraid to peer back into the eyes of your potential lover it excels you past the ground floor where many men are left.
Looking at the floor shows shame and looking away shows a lack of confidence, but when you intentionally go face to face with her it shows that although you may not be the most attractive man in the room you are completely content with yourself, which the majority of men lack.
In so many cases it’s not what you say, it starts long before what rolls off your tongue.
You Know What You Want
It’s easy to assume that leadership qualities are vocal — and respectfully so, being heard is key to direction– but it’s also in what you do.
There are so many things we subconsciously do that women use to rule us out of contention due to our hesitancy.
It’s not about being suave and completely flawless in every move we make, it’s about how we position ourselves in social settings.
Are you walking ahead of her, opening doors, taking initiative on ordering food? If and when you meet her friends are you passive or does your personality shine?
Women don’t want a guy who can’t engage with the other aspects of her life, who doesn’t take command of situations by the way he moves.
Even when you’re one on one with her, are you positioning yourself in an inviting way?
Your hips should open up to her and your chest should be exposed during the conversation. Are you casually making light non-threatening contact?
What men often get caught up doing is crossing their arms, and being overly cautious with the distance they give the women they’re out with.
This shows your lack of confidence and does nothing more than lengthen the ice breaking process.
Be physically welcoming — lightly give her a touch during laughs, offer to hold her hand across streets, aim for full-on hugs. It will make a lasting impression.
How You Sound
Now, when you are speaking it’s important that you hold a certain tone of voice that is commanding.
I’m not suggesting that you manipulate your voice out of character but rather you speak with the confidence of a man that’s ready to take home his queen.
Vocal tonality is important because it reveals more than our words ever will.
When you speak with articulation, confidence and a little hesitancy you’re immediately making an impression that will resonate after leaving the date.
You may run into a situation where your date is shy and non-responsive, it is in these instances where you should shine the most.
Feel comfortable leading the conversation and slowly pulling her out of her shell. What you don’t want to be is that guy who has a shell to be pulled from.
When you are in control of your body language to the point where you don’t have to consciously be mindful of what you’re doing and how you’re doing it, what you say to her will flow.
You don’t have to be the most gifted speaker nor have the best lines in the book for you to make an impression.
All it takes are the right body movements to put both you and her at ease.