Avoiding Old Flames: Why Moving Forward Is Best For Your Game
It’s a normal instinct when a guy goes through a dry spell for him to want to reach out to an ex.
It seems like it’ll be simpler to see what she’s up to than to go out and start from scratch, especially when things haven’t been easy out gaming.
She may even be interested in re-connecting, and in the moment, the guy may think it’s a good idea too.
The reality is that he probably hasn’t gotten laid in a while, has been striking out at the bars, and is generally just feeling a little dejected about his skills at the moment.
It’s not until after, that he realizes that all he was looking for was some quick companionship to quell some of the loneliness he felt, and now that he’s done that, he wonders if it was smart to seek that comfort in the arms of his ex.
The answer is that it most certainly was not smart. In fact, it was the opposite and probably hurt him long term in his development of his own game.
But why? What’s the big deal? People hook up with their exes all the time. It’s harmless, and there’s always a shot you might get back together, so why not?
It’s a lot more complicated than that. Reaching out to an ex for the wrong reasons is a step backward for a guy.
If the two of you haven’t spoken in a long time, and you are equally as happy without one another, it’s the wrong move to reconnect.
It’s most likely a quick fix for the lack of success you’ve been having in game, and pushes you further from honing your skills, rather than propelling you forward.
The idea is to keep talking to more and more girls of every different type to gain as much reference experience as you can.
If you broke up with a girl, you learned what you could from it, and going back to her is the equivalent of eating shitty junk food when you have the ingredients for a healthy meal in the fridge.
Sure, the healthy meal requires cooking, maybe a little patience, but it’s better for you than eating cereal right out of the box with your hands just because it’s available.
Until you finally do meet the love of your life, game is about constant growth and new experiences with women.
Coming up with some elaborate plan to re-game your ex is a waste of time, effort and won’t be as rewarding as going out and talking to new girls.
Remember, at one point, your ex was a girl you didn’t know, and picking her up was probably exciting, thrilling and maybe even the best part of the relationship.
You just have to be honest with yourself.
The amount of time you can spend going out and hitting on girls is limited, so unless you think your ex really is the one, and the circumstances pulled you two apart, it doesn’t make sense to go after her again.
It’s tempting, sure, when you haven’t gotten laid in a few months and you know she’s probably down, but think about what it communicates.
You essentially are making it clear that you have no other options at the moment, and even she will pick up on that.
She may not care and might also be going through a dry spell, but that doesn’t mean that this is attractive behavior for a guy.
That being said, if you really do want to try and reconcile with your ex, you should at least go and see what else is out there first.
Sometimes relationships end because both people feel like they missed out on other opportunities and want to see exactly what it is they missed.
If you and your girl parted ways for that reason, it doesn’t mean you don’t care about each other, but it means that there’s a big world out there to explore, and you both wanted time to do it.
Don’t kid yourself and think that she isn’t out talking to guys.
It’s perfectly acceptable for her to do that, but waiting around for her to get it out of her system while you struggle getting another date isn’t helping anyone.
Your goal should be to get the most out of your time being single, and avoid as best you can the tempting idea of hitting her up because you had an off night.
The best thing to do is to keep moving forward in game, and get better and better.
You may transform into a better version of yourself, and this alone might get her interested again so that she comes to you.
At least in this situation, you can decide whether or not to let her back into your life. The big difference is that now instead of crawling back to her, the choice is yours.
There are a lot of ways to deal with having an off night or even an off month when you’re heavily invested in game.
The best way is to step back and evaluate what you’re doing wrong so you can fix it.
Giving up and crawling back into bed with your old flame isn’t the right move if you really want to improve. It’s a temporary solution to a long-term problem.
At the end of it all, you should be coming from a headspace where even bad nights are funny and enjoyable.
Only guys that take things too seriously get to the point where they’re so frustrated that they give up and tell themselves no girl will ever live up to their ex.
Game, above all else, is just a way to make going out more fun, more rewarding and more productive, so getting down on yourself if you mess up is missing the point.
If you’re recently single, don’t stress about it. Replace the energy you put into your relationship with learning how to form new ones.
And if the two of you reconnect, just be sure to take it slow.