The words that come from the mouths of the ones we love hit us harder than the rest.
Most of us have built walls over the years — walls that protect us from the casual hate that gets flung our way. But when the one we love says something that hurts us, it hits home.
Sometimes, our partners don’t even realize that what they’re saying hurts us. Other times, they hurt us on purpose. Sure, they’re sorry after they do it — having lost control for a brief moment — but nevertheless, we bruise.
Often at times, we say the wrong thing because we don’t know better. Or we say something that we don’t believe should offend, yet it does nonetheless.
It’s impossible to keep track of everyone’s insecurities, but at the same time, if you love this person, you should do your best to only show them love.
I’m not one to tippytoe, but sometimes the last thing your partner needs, is to feel like they’re under attack by you. A little bit of consideration and tactfulness can go a long way.
You have to remember, not everyone will tell you that you hurt them. If they love you, they’ll likely keep it to themselves, trying to brush it off. But these sorts of things can end up ruining your relationship.
Simply put, there are some things that you should avoid saying. I know this may be hard to do, but put their needs and feelings ahead of your own for a moment, and stay away from these 6 things:
1. “You look like crap today.”
When it’s your friend that has seemingly lost themselves at the bottom of a barrel the night before, it’s okay to make fun of them.
That’s what friends are for: to let us know when we did something stupid, by laughing their asses off at our expense. When it’s your man or woman that forgot his or her beauty sleep — albeit for a week straight — you don’t tell them that they look how they actually look.
Yes, lie. If your partner feels like crap and/or looks like it, don’t tell them so. Tell them that they’re beautiful. Give them a kiss.
And move on with your day. If you love them, make them feel better — even if it means lying to them. They’re not idiots… they know when they have an off day. But they love you because you manage to help them take their mind off the fact.
2. “Don’t you think you’re aiming a bit high?”
If you’re ever on the fence about whether or not the one you’re with is worth keeping around, ask yourself this: does he or she support me wholeheartedly?
You cannot allow anyone to get that close to you, unless they believe in you and your dreams. There’s enough in life that’ll try and keep you from your goals — you don’t need your partner making it more difficult for you to succeed.
Unless they understand that reaching high is how one becomes successful, they won’t help you achieve your dreams. Instead, they’ll act as a hindrance to your success.
How long do you think you will be capable of loving them after you start resenting them? You have to reach too high. And fail.
Then reach high again, and continue reaching no matter how long it takes you to feel like a winner. Don’t be the one to prevent the one you love from fulfilling their dreams.
3. “I think I still love you…”
I’ve come to learn that loving, being in love, and feeling like you’re in love, are actually all different things. Love is a complicated phenomenon to fully understand — not least because of how difficult it makes it for us to remain objective.
We get caught up in our emotions and our imaginations run rampant. More often than not, we allow our emotions to sweep us away, and forget about incorporating any sort of logic into our decision-making.
But what’s really scary is when we no longer feel as excited as we once did. The novelty fades, and we find ourselves feeling different. And confused. Maybe even a little scared. Did we fall out of love? Are we in a slump?
Are we dealing with our own shit, and bringing it into the relationship? Or have we simply confused comfort for lack of passion? Before you tell them that you’re uncertain of your love for them, take a second to breathe. Sleep on it. Give it a couple weeks.
Never tell someone that you’re not sure if you love them or not, unless you’re sure you no longer love them. And if that’s the case, grow a pair and tell them how it actually is.
4. “I’m too busy for you this week.”
Bad answer. You should never be too busy for the one you’re sharing your life with — even when in reality, you actually are too busy.
A quick phone call, maybe a skype, text, or simply a goodnight before bed, will do the trick if that really is the most that you can do.
I don’t care if you’re Elon Musk, you can find the time to wish your partner a goodnight. (We both know you’re not that busy).
I’m not saying that text a day is enough to keep the love alive, but it may be. It may be okay for a few months, until you figure out a way to be more present.
All anyone really wants is to be in the thoughts of the ones they love. They want to know you care — just like I’m sure you do.
Remind them every single day that you care about them, and I’m sure you guys will get through the hard times.
5. “I’m getting bored.”
Even those in love get bored with their partner and their relationship on occasion. People very often get too comfortable with each other, and don’t put in the necessary effort to keep the spark alive.
We all want a little romance in our lives. Romance is fun; it’s exciting and creates beautiful memories. So when we begin to feel like we no longer need to make an effort, our love lives start to lose their vivacity.
Don’t wait until your lover makes an effort. Lead by example, and make things exciting like they used to be — or even more so. It’s never too late to surprise him or her with a candlelight dinner.
Or if you’re looking for something a bit more titillating, try out that thing in bed that you always wanted to try out. Bottom line, if you’re getting bored, you should do something about it. Don’t point the finger at them, because you’re almost certainly just as much to blame.
6. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
An open line of communication is key to the success of your relationship. If you refuse to talk about the issues you feel you’re having, you can’t expect those issues to resolve themselves.
Sometimes it is better to just forget and move on without dwelling, but that only works if you both actually let go and move on. Often, we don’t let go, but instead bury how we feel. Until, one day, we explode.
If it’s something that you know you’re going to have to talk about, then don’t refuse to talk about it. If you don’t want to talk about it right at that moment, fine — but don’t keep putting it off because you know it’s going to make you feel uncomfortable.
In fact, feeling uncomfortable is exactly why you should communicate. Stress signifies our need to act and create change. The sooner you talk about it, the sooner you can actually put it behind you.